Memories

Down at my parents, and gone down to see Dads yacht, in Cardiff, he’s had it for a getting on for twenty years, used to use it more at that time, and meet up with family down there, see the scary teen above!

As been a real blast from the past to help clean and have a quick potter around the bay, and even better that I can’t get seasick any more!

Invisibility/denial

My condition is sadly often invisible in that most people at some point, struggle to understand be that denial ie they don’t want to think it? Or what ever, get a lot of “0h I do that, or just getting old!” Headway did a good Video on this.

I do get that it’s not possible to see my injury, and that I’m high functioning, so I’m not expecting strangers to notice, but equally I’ve had a huge battery of tests over a month in hospital, which they found that well defects both cognitive and physical ie balance or vestibular to be precise. Hence a lot of the quite often odd things that Physio’s have and continued do or ask me to do!

In other words it really has changed me, even if I do my best to show a passable human facade I do have to work at this!

Which is why it’s so annoying when someone attempts to brush it away, I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, but I do at times find it really well hurtful I guess? Last one was one of the others at last nights Headway South West London who I was very dismissive I am if we’re play Disablity Bingo clearly far less, but that isn’t the point is it!

Any way rant over, in happen news had my folks down for Celia’s party and we saw the Book of Mormon, so life is generally good, see Dad above!

Carer

Sara has been quite ill recently, just a flu, which if you’ve had the proper one, ie not a heavy cold, is in bed for a week or so and quite a few weeks of being weak as a kitten! And generally feeling miserable!

But It has brought to focus how much she in many ways does act like a carer, which ironically is my Job! In that she makes sure I do feed myself and or more often cook for us both, and so on. Clearly I’m high functioning but was noticeable how much harder and more tired I was just making sure we ate and didn’t run out of clean clothes and such! She is very good and making sure that things get done, which I’m sure is harder than before, I had that wee bump!

Which I’m sure sounds self centred which to extent it is! But also to recognise how much she does though I know she hates the term Carer!

Reminiscing!

Having a clear out, found my phone that survived my accident though not Sara’s vodka! It’s quite some time now! Plenty of phones have gone since! And time!

Since April’s fools day just passed, and showing how I’ve moved on, the first Aprils fools after my accident I read This and not only believed it for many hours, but was quite grumpy with Sara when she was trying to explain that it was a joke!

In fairness I’m fairly rubbish at humour and reading people now, but meh!

Inner toddler!

Yes that’s me, and my Tractor before my Mum ran it over in the car! I’ve been to see Physio today, apparently will see her again once more but I’m doing well, it’s strength stuff for high end mobility.

My work have the most confusing annual leave system and am changing over to a online system that is even more confusing, bare in mind I’m Dyslexic before my wee bonk on the head. I’ve got hopeless confused with attempting to book leave and got really stressed and annoyed about it. Not helped by a system that is needlessly complicated, you need to calculate hrs worked per day etc, same for sick leave apparently. I can see that working well 😉

Possibly because I worked for Royal Mail, who for all their faults did things by the book, and highly organised. I’m constantly amazed how inept and disorganised other companies are!

Dog tired!

I’ve been to three different hospitals for four different appointments, two today! I’m just flat out!

Been to see the Physio and it was quieter so we went though the exercises, and she made some changes, much clearer in my head, now, very happy with this Physio though I think i will only see her one more time?

I have to take a break from head stuff, I went to West Mid Hospital to see a neurologist about my hand, she had a good play with my hand, and then poked me with a pin, test of nerves apparently, going to have some nerve study on my hand, and possibly a MRI scan on my neck. She thinks that it’s not Carpal Tunnel but Ulnar nerve hence the nerve studies and what not.

And this mourning I’ve gone with Sa to StGeorges which is always odd as I have little snatches of memory’s from that time, it’s where I was taken at the start of this, to go to the Vestibular Clinic we weren’t really sure what it was for since it just said Physiotherapy, which I’m already having! Any way she (all Physio’s seem to be young women why?) managed to make my head spin and what not, which is good and I have more exercises to do! And I will see her again in a few weeks time.

This afternoon went the final time to see the OT she has discharged me, she has helped me solidify in mind that I need to be more organised around sleep, I always was a night owl, but pre that was fine as I could cope, but a late night does me in for days now, so I’ve a alert, on the iPhone/iPad/Mac to go to bed at 10pm which mostly is helping, plus as is the way some Mindful stuff to stop my mind racing sometimes if I’m overtired/anxious.

And I’ve also got my discharge report from the Wolfson which is in many ways what I’ve been after since it lists my defects and strengths and validates that it isn’t all in my head, so hopefully I can draw a line, and move on so it’s less head stuff and more me stuff, which let’s be honest is probably bikes!

Snow!

I love snow I really do, I’m such a child about it. Had great fun taking the new bike for spins in it, clearly others are struggling more so my folks are still snowed in.

But I did have great fun, it was remarkably ice free which on a bike is a boon!

Speech & Language

Got my referral for Speech and Language Rehab today, was a interesting chat, though we both agreed that really there wasn’t anything to be done.

Not that there isn’t some quirks I’ve been left with, in that I don’t seem to follow jokes particularly if out of context. IE I have a sense of humour but I don’t fully understand the communication be that verbal or otherwise. Something Sa has said she misses. But there is no magic wand.

There is a mild bit of Prosopagnosia going on, in that I don’t always recognise people and can merge people ie think multiple people are one person, and somewhat perversely think I know people who I don’t know. But it’s generally a mild amusement and intellectual curiosity rather than a problem that needs solving and frankly this is apparently very under researched area that is very difficult to solve so I’m more than happy to be discharged since I’m already seeing two therapists at the moment not sure I could cope with any more!

Control

So the first Physio session which was full on exercise, rather than make me wobble! The idea is that the strength will give me a reserve to fall back on, so less zombie walking when I’m tired and so forth.

It was actually fun, it was less brute strength but slow control stuff, nothing burned at the time as such but I can feel it now!

I did turn up on the wrong day, the Physio nicely blamed Baby Brain but I suspect its broken rather baby brain I’ve also managed to leave my action plan there as well, felt positive, clearly it’s easier to do when you have someone helping you, in terms of technique and motivation after guess we will see though I’m quite driven by this sort of stuff.

Make you Sweat!

I have been buying bikes! Another CX bike! This one with Disks, which I’m loving as the older one had terrifying brakes! And yes Sa I will sell it soon! The older one that is!

Coming to the end of the Community rehab really, OT is going to send me some relaxation stuff, to see if I can’t get a wind down routine so I end up sleeping or just resting better.

And the new (to me) Physio has suggested that my balance is good, but it’s more tiredness and what not. So with that in mind she is going to do some strengthening exercises so has warned me be prepared to sweat!

She also said she felt in many ways I was very hard on myself which is why I have got to where I am but equally to relax a bit! Time for a mull over a coffee I think!